My Baby Ate Poo

Too cute for poo! You see the problem in the
kitchen with keeping eye on baby while
engaging in food prep.

It happened.  Emily, almost 14 months old, ate her own poo.  Apparently when Michelle was a toddler, she engaged in this behavior once or twice as well.  With both girls, I was not present to witness such a milestone, but must rely on the account of Barry.  Perhaps they were showing off for daddy.

     The incident had a suspenseful set-up.  Around 4:00 PM, my step-mom who had been watching Emily all day, picked up Michelle from school and joined me at the pool after I finished my aqua-exercises.  I met them in the locker room and my step-mom let me know with certain trepidation that Emily had not procured a bowel movement for her all day.  If there is anything you want to be sure of before getting your toddler into her swim diaper, it is that she has thoroughly emptied her bowels BEFORE getting into the pool. With two excited girls ready to swim, we took our chances and dressed Emily in her swim diaper, cover, and swimsuit, per pool regulations.

     At this point, you are probably thinking- and then she pooped in the pool! Right? She did not poop in the pool.  Giant sigh of relief!  With the poop bullet effectively dodged, we opted to dry off quickly and shower/bathe the chlorine off at home.  At home, I fed Emily some dinner while the tub was filling up.  This was a super bonus for her! Emily loves loves loves the water so to go swimming and then get in the water after was a huge win.  But alas, no poop.  With certain caution, I set her in the bath with fingers crossed that we would not end up with floaters.

     At this point, you are probably thinking- and then she pooped in the bath! Right? She did not poop in the bath.  I dried off her chunky delicious rolls and handed her off to daddy so I could get in the shower myself.  

     Apparently, from Barry's report, it went a little something like this; Emily waddles out naked-baby style with giggles of glee while Barry continues prepping dinner.  We do not have a kitchen island (something I plan to remedy once a few paychecks come in from my new job), so prepping food must be done with one's back turned to the naked toddler who is ramshackling her way through the living room.  Assuming she had probably peed in the tub and could happily use some 'free bum time', Barry opts to delay diapering until after the cauliflower is chopped.  As he turns to do a spot check, he witnesses 'the face' followed by a very worrisome deep squat. Emily stands up, pees on the floor, and goes back into her deep squat to procure a few well-formed rabbit turds.  In Barry's horror, he frantically goes to grab paper towels but by the time he turns back around, it is too late.  Quite interested in these little brown things that mysteriously appeared on the carpet, Emily promptly picks one up, like it is no big deal, and pops it in her mouth.

     All this is going on while I am enjoying my peaceful alone-time in the shower.  As I rinse my shampoo, the shower curtain flings open.  Barry thrusts the naked child into my arms announcing "You need to take her! She just ate her own shit! There is poo everywhere...and brush her teeth.  I need to go puke now."  Barry has always admitted an easy gag trigger and this moment was no exception!  Emily, of course, couldn't be happier. This was a big bonus day for her. Pool, bath, AND shower? As far as she is concerned, this is her lucky day. She smiles at me in the shower, plays gleefully with the water, and proudly brushes her teeth before bed.  

  I'm not sure what the score was, but Barry and I agreed that by default parental fail, Emily won big time.